Avatar

In 1492, Columbus discovered America. Over the next couple of centuries the indigenous peoples of America were wiped out, thanks to Mr White Man.
In 2009, James Cameron makes a film in which white men try to wipe out blue skinned aliens (whose culture is curiously similar to the Native Americans') from their home planet.

SPOILER ALERT - don't worry, you can't spoil what's already rotten.

And the natives win! Are American guilts assuaged? Is everybody happy that the tree people who are one with nature defeated the evil greedy humans' high tech helicopters and gunships with bows and arrows? Are the Native Americans feeling warm and fuzzy because their fictional alien counterparts won the battle in this movie? Yay!

Avatar is visually impressive, but I'm going to be only so impressed with visuals. The plot is one giant cliche made up of smaller cliches, and the whole thing is ridiculous and unintelligent. Alright, it's perhaps not as stupid as the second Transformers movie, but it comes pretty damn close.

Consider the fact that the movie is set in the year 2154 on a planet that's 4.3 light years away from Earth and everyone from the human race is American. Alright, I'm willing to let that go, maybe America conquers the rest of Earth by then.

To be fair, until right about the middle, the movie's not bad, which is what makes the entire thing worse. It floats the hope that the climax is going to be at least slightly ingenious - after all, the premise raises an interesting problem. Sam Worthington plays a U.S. Marine who is given a sort of remote control of a Na'vi body - the "avatar" - with which he is supposed to infiltrate the Na'vi tribe to make it easier for the humans to get what they want: a precious mineral that lays right under their habitation. Worthington in his avatar body then learns the ways of the Na'vi and becomes one of them, and defects to their side when the humans move in for the kill in their giant helicopters and robo-suits with all their explosives and ammunition.

From that point it seems like the writers just gave up. Once Worthington's avatar takes command of the Na'vi forces, he launches the most ridiculously absurdly stupid counterattack on the humans. What's his plan? Shoot at the helicopters with your bows and arrows! Charge at them on horseback! (On the Na'vi equivalent of horses. Whatever.) Waow. Shuuurely that's going to work.

But it does. Why? Because as soon as Worthington takes charge, the Na'vi's bows and arrows are suddenly able to shatter bulletproof glass and penetrate all the humans' high-tech armour. When the Na'vi are still losing, they are suddenly helped out by bulletproof alien rhinos. No kidding. Be one with nature and nature will send bulletproof alien rhinos and vicious alien dogs to your aid when you're fighting against those nature-hating humans. Apparently Deus Ex Machinae are fine as long as they are in stunning CG.

Writer 1: And after the Na'vi have won, what happens to poor Worthington's character who wants to be one of the Na'vi but is actually bound to a human body?
Writer 2: Oh... um... that's a problem we kind of forgot about, didn't we? We really should tie that up. Any ideas?
Writer 1: Uh... how about... magic!
Writer 2: Awesome. Let's magically transfer him into his avatar body. The Na'vi have magic, right? I mean, they love nature, and nature's magical, isn't it? Anyway, it's alien nature, so it can give them whatever goddamn powers they want.

Thank you James Cameron, I have learnt a valuable life lesson from you. I will remember to love my planet and be one with nature. My heart can finally go on.